Buhtt sex?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
