he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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