My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want her autograph on my taint
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
