Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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