wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
