I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
