Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
