meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
