You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
