So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
