Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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