This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize