I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I need moral support for this bender
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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