do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
