I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
