I can text with my tongue
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
