I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
