i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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