I want to have your abortion
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
