Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
