i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
