I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
