something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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