I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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