I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
