Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
