first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize