she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
