Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize