he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
smell my finger.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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