Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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