I got chris browned last night
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
