Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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