If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
