That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
