You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
