I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
