On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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