Umm I'm too high to move.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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