some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
