I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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