The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
