Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize