it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh god it's open bar.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
