Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
