Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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