The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize