the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
