I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
