Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
