Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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