we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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