honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
