walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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