This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
