Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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