She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
