If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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