I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
