my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
