final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
